Upon recommendation from a dear friend, I picked up a copy of Sherry Argov’s “Why Men Marry Bitches”, and enjoyed reading it! It is definitely entertaining and light but most importantly, it does throw some insights into the dating and relationship game for the average female. Some of the brutally honest and not-so-easy-to-swallow obervations compiled from the hundreds of men the author interviewed, made us want to cry and laugh at the same time!

The author uses BITCH in a tongue-in-cheek way, and does not take itself too seriously. SHe describes the book as “a relationship guide for women who are too nice”. She describes BITCH as  “Strong and kind. She has a strength that is so subtle. She doesn’t give up her life, and she won’t chase a man. She won’t let a man think he has a 100% hold over her. And she’ll stand up for herself when he steps over the line. She knows what she wants but won’t compromise herself to get it. But she’s feminine, like a “steel magnolia” – flowery on the outside and steel on the inside. She uses this femininity to her own advantage. It isn’t that she is takes undue of men, because she plays fair. She has one thing the nice girl doesn’t: presence of mind because she isn’t swept away by a romantic fantasy….In addition, she has the ability to remain cool under pressure. When a woman who is too nice gives and gives until she’s depleted, the woman with the presence of mind knows when to pull back.”

Sounds good right? I was thinking to myself that I do not want to be nice, and I want to be a BITCH! And I called my fiance last night. The conversation goes like this:

Me: Dear, do men love bitches?

My fiance: I guess they do.

Me: So do you prefer predictability or unpredictability?

My fiance: Unpredictability of course!

Me: Ok, let me rephrase that. Do you prefer that I am predictable or unpredicatable?

My fiance (immediately): Predictable!

*faint!*

This is MEN. They want the cake and eat it too! (Just like women! =P)

Been in Hangzhou for the past few days, and I terribly missed the following things (apart from my loved ones):
1) Facebook
2) Facebook
3) Facebook

In terms of the dating culture here, online chatting seems to be a very popular venue for the young people here (in their 20s) to meet new friends. They tend to marry at a younger age, most of the newly-wedded couples I meet are only in their mid twenties, with the majority of them perferring to have kids later. Most of them are the only child in the family, hence if a 独女 (Only Girl)，独子 (Only Biy) marry, they can have two kids instead of one. However, many of them whom I have spoken to, says one kid is more than enough as the economic costs of bringing them is very high….

Dating programs seem to be very popular here, the most peopular dating program is called “非城无扰”, which is derived from a movie which starred Ge You (a popular China actor) and Shu Qi, filmed in Hangzhou. This phrase literally means: “if you are not sincere (in knowing me), then please do not disturb me”, referring to a self description in a personal ad placed by Ge You in the movie.

Single men and women flocked to join dating programs such as 非城无扰, which has sprawned copycats all over China. I was pretty ticked to find out that one of Eeping’s friend in Hangzhou recently went on one, where he self introduced himself and was evaluated by 18 girls on TV! He did have a match eventually, but the girl went off to Hong Kong after that….

Will Singapore ever have a program such as 非城无扰? =P I really doubt it because the singles here preferred to be perceived as coolly single rather than exhibiting any enthusiasm in seeking a life partner. i think it will kill us to laid bare our hopes and expectations in front of  national  TV and having a group of men/women critiquing us.

Read an interesting article on Channel News Asia. Why do men and women get married? Have you ever wondered?
Why get married at all? Women don’t need providers and men don’t need in-house procreators. Turns out, we both want to get married. But for very different reasons.

For all the young women who’ve chewed their nails to the skin anticipating a proposal, it may be a relief to know that, yes, men still want to get married. But there’s a critical difference between the sexes. In broad terms, when a woman falls in love, just like the Trinity character in The Matrix, she knows he’s The One. But a man’s readiness can be seen as a life stage. To call on The Matrix again, a time when he’s ready to take the red pill.

“He first needs to feel like he knows what he’s doing in the world and where he’s going,” says John Gray, relationship counselor and author of the Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus books. “Women are more concerned about who they’re going with.”

“Historically men have been more eager to marry when they’re financially secure, and women have wanted to marry when they wanted children,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and author of Why Him? Why Her? Fisher calls it a “human male need” to provide for his wife, a desire that hearkens back to our hunter-and-gatherer days when the “dual-income family was the rule.” She harvested the fruits and vegetables, and he brought home the meat.

But when the woman was pregnant or nurturing small children, she was vulnerable. It became the man’s job to protect and provide for his family. Today, still, men do not feel ready for marriage until they can fulfill that historic role, albeit with career stability and a certain amount in the bank rather than a bison turning on the spit.

The real change is that now marriage readiness goes both ways. Gray says that he’s observed a shift in marriage because of women’s education and work. Women now receive 60% of college degrees and comprise half the workforce. “When she has a good job, her security needs are met, and she looks for a man to provide emotional support,” says Gray. Women are looking for partners who are romantic, supportive, good communicators and will be helpful on the home front, Gray says.

Researchers and sociology professors Christine B. Whelan at the University of Pittsburgh and Christie F. Boxer at the University of Iowa set out to find out what men and women look for in a spouse and uncovered this very trend. From a list of attractive traits, women ranked a man’s desire for home and children at No. 4. In past decades they had ranked it much lower. In 1977, for example, it was No. 10.

Men’s standards, too, have changed in what they find attractive in a potential wife. Until the 1960s men ranked a woman’s education and intelligence at No. 11 on their lists of attractive qualities. Now men prioritize a woman’s intelligence over her good looks, ranking it at No. 4 as compared to No. 8.

And unlike the urban myth of husband-hunters like Sex and the City’s Charlotte York, more women are delaying or forgoing marriage. According to the current population survey, the median age at first marriage in 2009 was 26 for women and 28 for men, up from 22 and 25 a century ago. Marriage historian Stephanie Coontz, a professor at the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., says with more options, women are delaying marriage to pursue education and find the man they really love.

“It’s only in the last 20 years that women have said they’d marry just for love,” says Coontz. “It used to be that people were embarrassed to admit they loved their spouse, but now they’re embarrassed to admit the other reasons for marriage.”

Sociologist Whelan believes that both sexes tie the knot due to a combination of love and social pressure, and that pressure comes a bit later for men. The typical ready-to-wed man, she says, has been out of college for a few years, maybe just got a promotion or raise, and has experienced a summer of attending several of his friends’ weddings.

Once friends start walking down the aisle, “it’s as if a light bulb goes off in their heads,” says Whelan. Suddenly men realize they want to settle down, and they start seeing the women they date through an is-she-wife-material lens.

Read the complete article at http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/living/view/1061042/1/.html

I read an article on Dr Goh Keng Swee, one of the founding fathers of modern Singapore, and something that he said strike a chord in me. It was not about his formidable intellect or his outstanding contributions to Singapore, but his single-minded pursuit of his second wife, Dr Phua Swee Liang. His wife shared that she had rejected him several times and had asked him why is he so persistent . His reply was: “Faint of heart never gets you the fair maiden”. Of course he did win over the fair maiden and they were together till his death recently.

I can’t help but admire a man with such persistence, dedication and single-mindedness. The saying that “How you do anything is how you do everything.” rings true. For a man who sets high standards for himself in work and do everything to the best of his ability, you don’t expect anything less of him in his personal life. I can’t help but feel a little ashamed at my own nonchalance and take it for granted attitude sometimes….

That is also the reason why women secretly admire strong-willed and determined men. Because such men are usually successful in school, work/career and life. If you are faint of heart, you will not win the fair maiden (or your career or work or business). I have heard countless feedback from women about local men being too timid, lacking in initiative and decisiveness in relationships. On the other side, to all women: give the men a chance to make the decisions and stop trying to control everything.

 Hence, I would like to encourage all men to have the heart of a lion, be courageous and be persistent in your efforts once you have decided that this is the goal you want.  Good Luck!