We had a really good time at Revel last Saturday! This is the first time The Dating Loft is coming in as a co-organiser for this event. We joined ADAMS (Association of Accredited Dating Agencies) this year and joined the rest of the agencies in planning and executing this event. A big thanks to all the 300 singles who came, danced, drank and partied! The feedback was overwhelmingly positive, and we definitely look forward to next year’s event which will be BETTER and BIGGER. Special mention to our kind sponsors: Evolle (http://www.indigolifestyle.net/Products/TheEvolleFacialBar/tabid/295/language/en-US/Default.aspx), Adonis (www.adonis-beauty.com), Marie France (www.mariefrancebodyline.com.sg), Svenson (www.svensonhair.com), Bordeaux Liquid Gold (www.bordeauxliquidgold.com), Sarpino’s Pizza (www.sarpinos.com.sg), Inqueenz Training Academy (www.inqueenz.com.sg) Bacardi (www.bacardilimited.com)

Ever since Violet (Co-founder of Lunch Actually) launched her book recently, there has been a mini furore about the “unmatchability” of single women over the age of 35 years old. I have had phone and email enquiries from women with regard to this, as well as reporter from Wo Bao calling in to ask whether there has been a marked increase in the number of female members over 35 years old over these few years, and whether they are harder to match. My answers are: No, there has not been a marked increase, and yes they are harder to match.

Our conversation moved on to why women above 35 years are harder to match, and how do we handle them etc….Frankly, The Dating Loft does not have an official age limit, most of our members are aged mid 20s to their mid 40s (for men mostly). Every agency has their “own house rules”, and because women above 35 are really harder to match, it is no wonder many have stopped at matching for women past a certain age….

We are not trying to blow our own trumpet or trying to say that we are better than others, but we have never  reject a member outright before meeting them in person. We believe everyone has a chance at happiness and would like to meet the person and understand the person better before making a judgement call on their suitability. After all, I have met young ladies in their 20s whom I though were in their late 30s, and I have met babelicious women in their early 40s whose skin condition and figure would put most younger women (including me) to shame.

But why are the older women harder to match? Apart from the more obvious reasons of the biological clock ticking (Men loved to use this as an excuse when refusing to meet a woman in her mid 30s – “She will be a high risk mum” or “I prefer to have more couple time together before starting a family.”), many older (not all) single women I had met had channelled their formidable energies into building up their careers or businesses and thus are financially independent/rich….and along the way turned into demanding, domineering and controlling copies of their former selves. Because they had achieved so much by themselves, they expected more out of their potential partners. Their potential partners (even if it is just a date) have to “earn more than them, and/or have higher qualifications, and of course preferably be taller than them, and a host of other admirable qualities….” They only focused on what they want, what they expect, and forgot to ask themselves are they what MEN wants? I particularly remembered profiling a dowdy divorcee with 2 kids in her early 40s, who worked as a personal assistant to the CEO, an American expat in a MNC. She is adamantly looking for someone “preferably CEO or director level, in his 40s with annual income of at least 500K, be at least 1.8m tall and slim….” I was shaking my head during the profile and wondered in my heart what she was thinking?

We need to accept the simple fact that most if not all men are VISUAL. And realistic and practical as well. And SIMPLE. And they usually improved with age. AGE is a huge thing for local men. 80% probably prefers not to date/marry anyone older than them if given a choice. And asking them to meet a dowdy, divorcee in her early 40s with kids, who looked her age (or worse) on a blind date is impossible, even if they themselves are balding, paunchy, divorced with kids, and in their 40s too. So do we blame men for being looks/age-fixated? Or can we hold a mirror to ourselves and honestly ask ourselves this question: “In all honesty, would we DATE ourselves?”

On the other hand, I am glad that the younger generation (those in the 20s) seems to be taking a more open approach towards formalised dating channels such as joining dating agencies or events, as there has been a steady increase in their numbers here at The Dating Loft and Getthemdates. I observed that the younger members (mid 20s to late 20s) who joined us are usually more focused and goal-oriented. They came because they want to achieve certain milestones such as getting married by age 28, or having a family at age 30 etc…. Some of them may not have a relationship before and hence wants to get started before they get too old, which is great! I have always been a firm believer in making things happen, instead of waiting passively for things to happen!

This blog post is overdue, as I have been caught up in a lot of plans and meetings recently. I met up with some single friends (and their friends) for drinks last week at 1-Altitude. It was a super cool night (cool because the wind was blowing relentlessly). The view was good from the top but well, it’s just that. Maybe I expected it to have a little more oomph so I was a tad disappointed.
Anyway, I met 2 interesting chaps in their late 20s-early 30s who are intelligent, holds decent conversations and are in good old stable jobs, travelling to exotic and far flung places such as Brazil and Russia on tax payers’ money. The topic pretty much moved on dating escapades sin Singapore once they found what I do for a living.
Decent men do have some standards. One of the guys was hotly pursued in (their own words) by a “Hot, chio babe”, whom he met while on a car-buying excursion.
Apparently she was very into him, and asked him if he liked her within the next day, and for the next couple of days tried all ways and means to “get” him, even going to the extent of appearing at his house at midnight wearing a short short shorts and a tight tank top. However apparently nothing much happened according to him.
My girlfriend’s first reaction was, “What’s Wrong with You? Seriously.” While we joked and teased the poor guy mercilessly,I think that this demonstrates clearly what I termed The Fear of the Decent Men - that He (The smartest, Most Intelligent, Most Capable Man alive) is just next in the line of ahem…public toilet users.
When a woman, especially one as Hot as they claimed, came on as strong as she apparently did, Men are going to THINK with their right head (for a change) after the inital rush of lust and attraction. The guy friend used words such as “crazy” to describe the Hot girl – he did not have any physcial relationship with her (even though I’m sure the other head is yearning to), because he was afraid of the consequences.
In his words, he said “What if she want had wanted me to marry her after we had sex? What if she kicked up a big fuss at my office as she has my name card?”. In other words, She was sizzling red hot affair-material but not WIFE material. She was probably good for a tumble in bed (in this case, the tumble didn’t even happen because she was deemed too unstable and crazy), but not as the mother of his kids.
It was an interesting conversation. At least my female single friends can take comfort in the fact that there are actually more decent men (who think with their right heads at critical junctions) around than commonly assumed. Respect and love yourself and you can expect the same from others. Public toilets are like canteen food – we would much rather be served in our own kitchens.

Upon recommendation from a dear friend, I picked up a copy of Sherry Argov’s “Why Men Marry Bitches”, and enjoyed reading it! It is definitely entertaining and light but most importantly, it does throw some insights into the dating and relationship game for the average female. Some of the brutally honest and not-so-easy-to-swallow obervations compiled from the hundreds of men the author interviewed, made us want to cry and laugh at the same time!

The author uses BITCH in a tongue-in-cheek way, and does not take itself too seriously. SHe describes the book as “a relationship guide for women who are too nice”. She describes BITCH as  “Strong and kind. She has a strength that is so subtle. She doesn’t give up her life, and she won’t chase a man. She won’t let a man think he has a 100% hold over her. And she’ll stand up for herself when he steps over the line. She knows what she wants but won’t compromise herself to get it. But she’s feminine, like a “steel magnolia” – flowery on the outside and steel on the inside. She uses this femininity to her own advantage. It isn’t that she is takes undue of men, because she plays fair. She has one thing the nice girl doesn’t: presence of mind because she isn’t swept away by a romantic fantasy….In addition, she has the ability to remain cool under pressure. When a woman who is too nice gives and gives until she’s depleted, the woman with the presence of mind knows when to pull back.”

Sounds good right? I was thinking to myself that I do not want to be nice, and I want to be a BITCH! And I called my fiance last night. The conversation goes like this:

Me: Dear, do men love bitches?

My fiance: I guess they do.

Me: So do you prefer predictability or unpredictability?

My fiance: Unpredictability of course!

Me: Ok, let me rephrase that. Do you prefer that I am predictable or unpredicatable?

My fiance (immediately): Predictable!

*faint!*

This is MEN. They want the cake and eat it too! (Just like women! =P)

Came across a fun and flirty article on msn on:

Flirting techniques every man should know

Hot date on the horizon? Planning a night on the pull? Or just fancy your chances with the blonde in Bought Ledger? Well, we’ve got a few suggestions on how you can maximise your chances. All you have to do is master these 10 crafty flirting techniques.

Flirt with your follicles
Women might complain about ‘pash rash’ but they still can’t resist a bit of stubble on a man. No, they literally can’t resist. That’s because a susceptibility to stubble has been pre-programmed into the female brain by Mother Nature herself in order to identify fertile males.

“The higher a man’s testosterone level the faster his stubble growth and that acts as a strong visual badge of masculinity,” says body language expert Allan Pease, who reckons the optimum length for attracting women is three days-worth of growth. Bad news for razor manufacturers, perhaps, but great news for you.

Scare the daylights out of her
Let’s face it, caution and safety have never been sexy. Danger and spontaneity, on the other hand, are powerful aphrodisiacs. And there’s a scientific reason why attraction and danger are linked.

Studies have shown that fear is more likely to bond people than laughter because the accompanying release of stress hormones triggers an instinct to grab hold of the nearest person for the sake of safety. Take her to a nice slasher flick for your first date and that nearest person is going to be you.

Smile like you mean it
According to a study by the American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry, 88% of women remember a man with an attractive smile. But there’s a big difference between flirtatious and lecherous.

The most effective smiles come from within so think of a genuinely pleasant moment in your life as an ‘inner prompt’ and flash both sets of teeth to show you’re genuine. Some subtle licking or biting of the lips works wonders too since women recognise these as a classic flirting techniques. Subtle is the key word though – you don’t want her to think you get all your flirting tips from Twilight.

Spray to play
Fragrance has long been a useful weapon in a man’s flirting armoury and with good reason. Not only has a study by the famous Kinsey Institute revealed that women who sniff a male fragrance while fantasising about an erotic experience become more sexually aroused, our sense of smell is handled by the same part of the brain associated with basic instincts – including sexual desire.

If you want to make sure fragrance really hits the spot with her go for ones like Thierry Mugler’s A*Men or Chanel’s Allure Homme Edition Blanche which contain vanilla – a recent survey showed it to be one of women’s favourite smells.

Never appear too interested
Locking eyes and smiling is clearly the most obvious sign you’re interested in a woman but never over do it. “With the flirtatious smile, the flirter should briefly show enjoyment, gaze away, then back,” advises Daniel McNeill, author of The Face: A Guided Tour.

Looking away isn’t just an effective tease, it’s also a powerful flirting technique because it sends out a conflicting signals, forcing the object of your affection to look closer at you to get reassurance that you’re actually interested.

Be creative
Notorious womanisers, whether Burton or Byron, weren’t popular with the ladies purely because of their good looks – their creativity played a part too.

When a team from Newcastle University in the UK explored why some men were more of a hit with women than others they discovered a link between creativity and sexual success. Artists and poets came top of the list, with up to three times more partners than non-creative types. So when she asks what you do in your spare time you’re a poet, right? Or play double bass in a jazz quintet. Or paint erotic nudes.

Tease with type
With a survey by the UK’s Flirting Academy showing that eight out of 10 women love flirting at work, knowing how to attract attention through email is useful skill to have.

“Many men treat email totally differently than conversation and become incredibly formal or brusque,” says Marc Katz, one of America’s leading dating coaches. “Instead, write as you’d speak, show your personality and make sure you ask lots of open ended questions so she has to reply. Never ask questions that she can merely reply ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to.” Cutting and pasting her name into the opening line of the email is clearly a very bad idea.

Play the game
Ok, here’s a fact: women are miles better at reading body language than men. In fact, research by psychologists at Harvard University in the US has shown that women are able to read body language correctly 87% of the time compared to just 42% for men.

So why not play to the gallery and consciously send out the right signals? When men are flirting we preen ourselves, stand erect to increase our height, put our thumbs in our belt with fingers pointing at our crotch and stand with our legs open and with our feet pointed at the object of affection. Throw these into your flirting and she’ll soon get the message. In fact she’d have to be blind not to.

Use your ears
“Listening is an underestimated quality when it comes to flirting,” says Marc Katz, one of America’s leading dating coaches. “If you listen and ask questions while flirting it makes a person feel important and shows that you’re genuinely interested in them – and there’s nothing more flattering.”

Admittedly, this may take some practice on your part – especially if all she wants to talk about is the latest Sex and The City film – but is worth a go. Don’t overdo it though, you’re not interviewing her for a job as your cleaner.

Don’t be too tidy
Women might be attracted to a well-groomed man (it shows you’re capable of looking after yourself and by implication other people including her too) but it doesn’t always pay to be too well presented.

In fact, a little untidiness can positively work to your advantage, especially as women can’t resist tidying men up. This is why some flirting coaches suggest wearing a tie and leaving it slightly crooked – the idea being that women simply won’t be able to resist straightening it. And once she has her hands on you half the battle is won. =)