Ada Muses

Co-Founder Of The Dating Loft, Ada muses on dating, match-making and love….

Tips on loving: About Burnt Biscuits – Must READ!

February4

I received an email with the subject title: Burnt Biscuits, and I ignored it for a few days. What burnt biscuits?? I though to myself  – it must be some corny story or joke. I finally read it in a moment of boredom and I really have to share with you all…. It’s a good reminder for us not to nitpick on the imperfections in our love relationships with our parents, friends and partner and to NEVER EVER take their efforts and hard work for granted. I am humbled by this little email.

“When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.
On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!

When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Honey, I love burned biscuits.”

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides – a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!”

Life is full of imperfect things…..and imperfect people. I’m not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults – and choosing to celebrate each others differences – is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

And that’s my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn’t a deal-breaker!

We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship!”

Best Tip: Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket – keep it in your own.”
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Relationship Tips: Breaking Old Patterns – Sometimes all it takes is sorry….

January25

Shared another heart-warming anecdote with you:

Had coffee with a friend whom I had met only for the 2nd time! She is actually a childhood friend of my fiance and we had hit it off when we met. She is a lively, cheerful and independent lady in her early 30s, who is running her own businesses.

When we finally met up for coffee after almost a year, I immediately asked how her relationship is going and whether she is going to get married. She answered, “On the verge of breaking”. This is the start of a long mutual sharing on relationships; parental and love relationships.

She shared that she was very angry with her parents, especially her mum for almost 9-10 years. She had an elder brother and a younger brother who could not get along and lived in the same room as they have very different habits and lifestyle. So when the family have their own place, there were only 3 rooms. Her parents then made the decision to have her continue to stay with the grandma while they moved to the new home.

Hurted and rejected by the parents’ decision, she only went back when necessary and did not communicate much with the mum for many years. Always thinking to herself and taking the stance that she is an outsider and they are a family.

She took almost 10 years to get over her first relationship in college that also only lasted for a few months. When the guy broke off with her (it was a long distance relationship), she felt it as if it was her family rejecting her again, and held on to her anger and hurt for a very long time.

The turning point came when her business mentor one day gently chided her, “You are still behaving like a child. How long more are you going to continue to be angry with them? Parents being parents, you have to give them a platform to acknowledge their mistake.” She plucked out her courage while cleaning the stall with her mum and told her that she was actually very angry with her and very hurted by the decision. Her mum paused and said, “Your dad said I made the wrong decision too.”

She was so happy with the reply! That one sentence lossens up the knot in her heart after so many years. Her relationship with her family have since improved a lot and she goes over very often now for meals and catching up on each other’s lives. What a difference an apology (even if it’s not direct) makes!

#No 1 Tip: Always say Sorry and mean it.

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