Ada Muses

Co-Founder Of The Dating Loft, Ada muses on dating, match-making and love….

Relationship Tips: Break the pattern in your relationships – Forgive and Let Go

January24

The Great Master in Kungfu Panda proclaimed: “There are NO coincidences.” – in Pao’s life or ours. For the past week, I have had tea sessions with 3 friends who are single (or soon to be) AND attractive. It got me thinking about the correlation between the state of our relationships with our parents and our love relationships, and how we often (subconsciously) brought repeated (negative) patterns into our love relationships, which often than not ended in hurt and anger.

If in life, there is no coincidence, then everything happens for a reason and the pattern will continue unless we face it, resolve it and let go. Break the pattern or your life story will continue to play out like a well-used record – everyone knows the next line to the song, except yourself.

Take my two girl friends – Jay and Kay.
Jay in her early 30s, is an attractive professional who grew up in a traditional family where the father is the head of the family and everyone had to listen to him, even if he is in the wrong. At the tender age of 12, she became the defender for her mum when the father’s affair is exposed. The parents did not divorced but there was alot of unresolved anger and hurt and blame. Her relationships with her parents became very strained as she blamed her dad for doing wrong and her mum for not standing up for herself (and the family) and yet continue to harp on this affair with alot of bitterness. Although living under the same roof, she barely speaks or spends time with them.

She had a first relationship in college and while it lasted only a few months, it took her 10 years to let go and move on. However, even though she thought she really want to settle down and have kids, she found that she kept falling in love with the wrong guys who would not committ to her, and she kept getting her hearts broken. The last guy stringed her along for a whole year and she finally had enough. At her lowest point, she attended a course and it changed her. She realises that everything that had happened is brought upon herself BY herself. She stopped blaming others, and circumstances and took charge of herself – her emotions, her fears, her guilt.

She decided to be real to herself. Instead of presenting a facade of perfection to the guys she dated or liked, she now realises that because she wasn’t true to herself or to the guy – the other party is unable to know and like HER for herself.

It wasn’t easy ackowledging her own feelings and emotions, and being open with the people around her. But she is determined to continue to take baby steps to heal herself and take charge of her life. I am so proud of her – she was very frank with me during our conversation and I have also gained insights from our talks.
She will probably read my blog, so I would like to encourage her to face her parents and tell them about her anger she has been harbouring so she can finally forgive them and herself and rid herself of the misplaced label of an unfilial child…..

#No 1 Tip: Forgive yourself and others!
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The Dating Loft’s motto: Love. Your Choice.

October4

Love. Your Choice. That is the tag line for The Dating Loft. And because this line has always been in the background, I have forgotten almost of its importance until my intern, June reminded me last week that it is important that we refocus our energy on building up on Love. Our Choice and what it meant to us and why did we choose it to be our tag line when we launched The Dating Loft three years ago…. I remembered we chose it then because it so aptly describes why two people will choose to stay with each other, hopefully through thick and thin, high and low…. The initial euphoric, romantic feelings of love does not last; countless scientific studies have put the length of these elusive feelings of love at between 6 months to 3 years. So what happens after these 6 months or 3 years? Do we choose to stay committed to each other? Or do we seek newer and more exciting feelings of love? And it’s probably going to be a never-ending circle.

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So love becomes a choice. It does sound practical, clinical even….but without these practical and logical reasoning at work, the entire human race might never ‘marry’ or remain committed to each other long enough to produce off springs. Thus, Love. Your Choice means: Choose whom to love. And Love who you have chosen. Simple words indeed but how many of us have REALLY thought about what it means? There will always be someone out there who is smarter, richer, prettier, sexier and taller than your partner….the list goes on….but because you have chosen to love your partner and commit to him/her only, you are empowered by your choice and no longer a victim of vacillating desires and uncontrollable urges. Its liberating really. Decide who you want to love and love the person with your whole heart. What is the worst that can happen? Yeah – you may get your heart trampled upon mercilessly and your ego thrown carelessly out of the window and your face smashed coldly on the door…. or that person might just love you back. And really, noone can make you feel stupid or in this context, hurt you without your permission. Just love yourself more. Noone really dies of a broken heart.


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Dating tips: The Ugly Truth!

October4

Nothing ground breaking here; not avant Garde cinema or oscar-worthy acting or direction, but it is entertainment with plenty of dating tips and the dos and don’ts. And of course plenty of eye candy. =P

Uptight TV producer girl can’t get a man, hates the guts of boy who gives brutually honest advice on love and sex on TV show. And loves forlicking with bikini-clad girls in jello pool. Girl needs boy’s help to snare her dream man but realises that she cannot be herself when with him….and boy and girl fell in love at the end.

Formulaic storyline, cliche even but it probably allows one to focus more on the scripting and acting, which  is where this movie truly shines.
Witty banter and a whole lot of sexual  innuendoes filled up most of the film. Sexual references abound but are written in such a tactful way that they do not come off as crass or crude. There is wit to the humor in this movie that utilities word puns and double meanings in their jokes to good effect!

Mike: [From red band clip] You’re all about comfort and efficiency!
Abby Richter: What’s wrong with comfort and efficiency?
Mike: Well nothing, except no one wants to fuck it.

Abby Richter: My cat stepped on the remote.
Mike: Well, be sure to thank your pussy for me.

The characters and situations are written in such a way that anyone could easily identify with them, which lends to a greater emotional involvement in the film.

There is also undeniable chemistry between the leads. Special mention goes to Gerald Butler who proves to be an exceedingly versatile actor. Remembered him in 300? All that 8 packs and hard muscles?  He nails the carefree, in-your-face, yet internally bitter character of Mike Chadway to the point that it is easy to forget the actor playing the role and just become so involved with character himself. Katherine Heigl does a satisfying job as Abby, lending both her acting chops and eye candy (check out that booty and blonde hair!) to the lead role.

A suprisingly enjoyable movie. Have watched too many romantic comedies that are like warm expired coke – no frizz and full of artificial sugar, and it leaves you wanting none of that stuff again.

Check the official The Ugly Truth Website and there is a quite a fun application to play! You can choose which type of guys you’d like to date and Abby and Mike will give you advice and the outcome will depends on whose advice you took! hahahah! A good way to pass some time….

http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/theuglytruth/site/

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Beauty Queen Genecia shares her thoughts on dating with The Dating Loft

September27

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Beth and I are very fortunate and happy to be of help to Genecia Luo in her dating journey, from learning about her preferences, knowing her better as a person and personally selecting the dates for her and doing the reviews with her…..

During this process, we really find out what a down-to-earth person she is inside beneath all that glitz and glamour! She is definitely someone for keeps! – for the right person of course =P Apart from being tall and attractive, and having a really good stage presence (after all she’s Miss Universe Singapore 2nd runner up in 2006 and Miss World Singapore), she speaks well and is confident, intelligent and mature and of course down-to-earth!

Genecia is also a very driven entrepreneur, having set up her very own Training school for beauty queens (and kings). Find out more about her work as well as her proteges who have been winning the crowns at various international pageants at www.inqueenz.com

At the end of the day, she is still an ordinary woman yearning to find a companion for life. He should be mature, independent, intelligent, supportive of what she is doing and gives her a shoulder to lean on if needed. Guys! If you thinks you fit the bill, drop us a short introduction of yourself at http://thedatingloft.com/tdl/?page_id=569.

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