Ada Muses

Co-Founder Of The Dating Loft, Ada muses on dating, match-making and love….

Flirting Tips for Men


Came across a fun and flirty article on msn on:

Flirting techniques every man should know

Hot date on the horizon? Planning a night on the pull? Or just fancy your chances with the blonde in Bought Ledger? Well, we’ve got a few suggestions on how you can maximise your chances. All you have to do is master these 10 crafty flirting techniques.

Flirt with your follicles
Women might complain about ‘pash rash’ but they still can’t resist a bit of stubble on a man. No, they literally can’t resist. That’s because a susceptibility to stubble has been pre-programmed into the female brain by Mother Nature herself in order to identify fertile males.

“The higher a man’s testosterone level the faster his stubble growth and that acts as a strong visual badge of masculinity,” says body language expert Allan Pease, who reckons the optimum length for attracting women is three days-worth of growth. Bad news for razor manufacturers, perhaps, but great news for you.

Scare the daylights out of her
Let’s face it, caution and safety have never been sexy. Danger and spontaneity, on the other hand, are powerful aphrodisiacs. And there’s a scientific reason why attraction and danger are linked.

Studies have shown that fear is more likely to bond people than laughter because the accompanying release of stress hormones triggers an instinct to grab hold of the nearest person for the sake of safety. Take her to a nice slasher flick for your first date and that nearest person is going to be you.

Smile like you mean it
According to a study by the American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry, 88% of women remember a man with an attractive smile. But there’s a big difference between flirtatious and lecherous.

The most effective smiles come from within so think of a genuinely pleasant moment in your life as an ‘inner prompt’ and flash both sets of teeth to show you’re genuine. Some subtle licking or biting of the lips works wonders too since women recognise these as a classic flirting techniques. Subtle is the key word though – you don’t want her to think you get all your flirting tips from Twilight.

Spray to play
Fragrance has long been a useful weapon in a man’s flirting armoury and with good reason. Not only has a study by the famous Kinsey Institute revealed that women who sniff a male fragrance while fantasising about an erotic experience become more sexually aroused, our sense of smell is handled by the same part of the brain associated with basic instincts – including sexual desire.

If you want to make sure fragrance really hits the spot with her go for ones like Thierry Mugler’s A*Men or Chanel’s Allure Homme Edition Blanche which contain vanilla – a recent survey showed it to be one of women’s favourite smells.

Never appear too interested
Locking eyes and smiling is clearly the most obvious sign you’re interested in a woman but never over do it. “With the flirtatious smile, the flirter should briefly show enjoyment, gaze away, then back,” advises Daniel McNeill, author of The Face: A Guided Tour.

Looking away isn’t just an effective tease, it’s also a powerful flirting technique because it sends out a conflicting signals, forcing the object of your affection to look closer at you to get reassurance that you’re actually interested.

Be creative
Notorious womanisers, whether Burton or Byron, weren’t popular with the ladies purely because of their good looks – their creativity played a part too.

When a team from Newcastle University in the UK explored why some men were more of a hit with women than others they discovered a link between creativity and sexual success. Artists and poets came top of the list, with up to three times more partners than non-creative types. So when she asks what you do in your spare time you’re a poet, right? Or play double bass in a jazz quintet. Or paint erotic nudes.

Tease with type
With a survey by the UK’s Flirting Academy showing that eight out of 10 women love flirting at work, knowing how to attract attention through email is useful skill to have.

“Many men treat email totally differently than conversation and become incredibly formal or brusque,” says Marc Katz, one of America’s leading dating coaches. “Instead, write as you’d speak, show your personality and make sure you ask lots of open ended questions so she has to reply. Never ask questions that she can merely reply ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to.” Cutting and pasting her name into the opening line of the email is clearly a very bad idea.

Play the game
Ok, here’s a fact: women are miles better at reading body language than men. In fact, research by psychologists at Harvard University in the US has shown that women are able to read body language correctly 87% of the time compared to just 42% for men.

So why not play to the gallery and consciously send out the right signals? When men are flirting we preen ourselves, stand erect to increase our height, put our thumbs in our belt with fingers pointing at our crotch and stand with our legs open and with our feet pointed at the object of affection. Throw these into your flirting and she’ll soon get the message. In fact she’d have to be blind not to.

Use your ears
“Listening is an underestimated quality when it comes to flirting,” says Marc Katz, one of America’s leading dating coaches. “If you listen and ask questions while flirting it makes a person feel important and shows that you’re genuinely interested in them – and there’s nothing more flattering.”

Admittedly, this may take some practice on your part – especially if all she wants to talk about is the latest Sex and The City film – but is worth a go. Don’t overdo it though, you’re not interviewing her for a job as your cleaner.

Don’t be too tidy
Women might be attracted to a well-groomed man (it shows you’re capable of looking after yourself and by implication other people including her too) but it doesn’t always pay to be too well presented.

In fact, a little untidiness can positively work to your advantage, especially as women can’t resist tidying men up. This is why some flirting coaches suggest wearing a tie and leaving it slightly crooked – the idea being that women simply won’t be able to resist straightening it. And once she has her hands on you half the battle is won. =)

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Top Dating Tip: Faint of Heart never gets you the fair maiden!


I read an article on Dr Goh Keng Swee, one of the founding fathers of modern Singapore, and something that he said strike a chord in me. It was not about his formidable intellect or his outstanding contributions to Singapore, but his single-minded pursuit of his second wife, Dr Phua Swee Liang. His wife shared that she had rejected him several times and had asked him why is he so persistent . His reply was: “Faint of heart never gets you the fair maiden”. Of course he did win over the fair maiden and they were together till his death recently.

I can’t help but admire a man with such persistence, dedication and single-mindedness. The saying that “How you do anything is how you do everything.” rings true. For a man who sets high standards for himself in work and do everything to the best of his ability, you don’t expect anything less of him in his personal life. I can’t help but feel a little ashamed at my own nonchalance and take it for granted attitude sometimes….

That is also the reason why women secretly admire strong-willed and determined men. Because such men are usually successful in school, work/career and life. If you are faint of heart, you will not win the fair maiden (or your career or work or business). I have heard countless feedback from women about local men being too timid, lacking in initiative and decisiveness in relationships. On the other side, to all women: give the men a chance to make the decisions and stop trying to control everything.

 Hence, I would like to encourage all men to have the heart of a lion, be courageous and be persistent in your efforts once you have decided that this is the goal you want.  Good Luck!
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Dating Foreigners in Singapore – Series 1


As we see an increase number of foreigners (including Permanent Residents) coming to The Dating Loft, hoping to find love with the local residents, I realizes that we Singaporeans view certain races and nationalities differently with some deeply held prejudices that just won’t go away. Even though we claim to grow up in a multi-racial society, we are never able to view each with equality.

From my experiences at The Dating Loft, Here is a list of the nationalities/race and the reactions we have towards them:
1) Mainland Chinese – We have seen a surge in the number of mainland Chinese coming to work and live in Singapore. Admittedly we still receive a steady stream of inquiries from Chinese Gals who can’t speak English and whose only requirement is a “Singapore man with good income”, there is a small but growing pool of professionals who speak English and are taking the step to meet more locals to expand their social circle. Some local men have expressed apprehension in meeting them as they are afraid of them being “gold diggers” and felt that their friends and family might viewed them differently if they really get married. Well not every Mainland Chinese woman is after your moolah, just open your eyes and know them better before losing your heads (both).

2) Angmos (loosely classified as Anglo-Saxons from USA< Australia and Europe) - Desperately pursued by SPG-types, and desired by a number of local women (usually older, more cosmopolitan/"angmo pai" type) who viewed them as "more fun, more romantic, higher (expat) income, more gentlemanly...." From my experiences dealing with them, only a small percentage truly wants to settle down. They are HOT here, with women pursuing them at clubs, pubs and bars, even if they are nowhere near the likes of Brad Pitt or Jude Law. Hence they are unlikely to settle especially if they are only here for the short term. However I do have to say that some are really quite witty and intelligent and they are less picky on superficial requirements such as age and marital status.

3) Malaysian Chinese
- Even though Singapore is so close to Malaysia and used to be a part of them, the vast disparity in economic development between both countries have unfortunately led to a subtle but persistent prejudice against them. Some local men (especially those of higher economic status) have subtly let on that they do not want to meet Malaysian Gals who can’t speak good English and are technical workers (such as beauticians or hairstylist) as they feel it’s a loss of face for them. Other men prefers to meet Malaysian Gals because they are deemed as “more down to earth, more gentle and less demanding than local gals”. Local women on the whole do not really want to meet Malaysian men unless they had studied abroad or have a really good job here. Well, to each your own….I have met plenty of Malaysian men and women who are successful, and there are also very gentle and family-oriented gals here.

At the end of the day, keeping an open mind is the most important thing. You really never know until you meet the person.
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Sometimes it’s just fate! A couple got married through HotRoom!


Can’t believe my ears too when I hear from my colleague that a couple actually met through the Hot Room Chat channel on, chatted with each other, went out and then got together…. and then they got married! All within a few short months! And mind, the Hot Room is only officially functional for less than 3 months!

Definitely unexpected! Sharing the good news here – hope we have more of such matches! You really never know when you are going to meet someone who will set your heart afluttering.
So now promoting our Early Bird Workshop Combo! Hurry offer ending 10th may 2010!

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Tip for Dating Couples: Buy the croissant from Mirabelle for your loved one!


Had some of the best bread and pastry for a long time and I ate most of it before remembering I was supposed to take a photo for the blog! Arrghhh…. The owner, Sophia, is a long time friend – I stayed with her family who took great care of me when I was studying in San Francisco years ago. It was great catching up with her! I have always remembered her as a wonderful cook and baker and the many hours of fun we had in the kitchen and restaurant.

We lost touch after I came back to Singapore, and Sophia and her family eventually did moved back to Singapore a few years ago. Hence it was no surprise that Sophia, after finishing her Le Cordon Bleu Training in Paris, decided to set up a French Patisserie here. Mirabelle (meaning “Great Beauty” in French, as well as the name of a yellow fruit favored by Sophia when she was a student in Paris) threw open it’s door six months ago in a nondescript corner along Mackenzie Road. dsc01838 

I did some quick search on the Internet, and found that her croissants were touted to be the best in Singapore by many a food blogger including Chubby Hubby at And Mirabelle was also featured on 8 Days and Simply Her as a little haven of Paris right in the midst of Singapore.

Even Beth, who don’t like sweet things, wolfed down the whole Sweet Potato Bun after taking her first bite when she was supposed to share with me. Luckily I have got Sophia’s mobile and I’m going to order her croissants (and that charcoal custard bun which I wolfed down in a minute) before I dropped by again….mnm….will tomorrow be too soon?

Tip for Couples: Buy some pastries or try the famed croissants to sweeten the hearts of your loved ones!

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