Ada Muses

Co-Founder Of The Dating Loft, Ada muses on dating, match-making and love….

Tips on Finding Love (Part 2): What to look for in a Man?

January9

After you make finding love a pirority, and have decided to go expand your social circles to meet more people….and have met some people whom you are keen to know better. How then do you separate the frogs from the prince? Are there things to take note of before you decided to hand your heart over on a platter?

According to Dr Brown, here’s some tips to help you figure out what to look for in a man.

1) What are his relationships like? Take note of how he interacts with his friends, colleagues and family. When you can determine what kind of person he is in other relationships, you should get a pretty good idea of what he will be like if he is in a love relationship with you. You can also look to his past relationships to get a feel of the kind of partner he will be. Did past relationships end amicably? Is he still friends with past partners?

2) How are his manners? is he on time? Whether a person has simple etiquette or not can be telling of his character. Does he talk on his mobile phone when you are in a conversation? How does he treat the wait staff when he is a restaurant with you? Does he treat the wait staff as people or servants? If he make a mistake, does he accept it or does he always push the blame to others?

3) Look for chemistry, not just appearance. If you don’t feel an attraction at the first meeting, don’t give up. Physcial atttraction often increases as two people get to know and trust each other. Give yourself and the other party a chance before you jump ship.
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Tips on Finding Love (Part 1)

January8

For your reading pleasure – adapted from Finding Love by Dr Brown.

Finding love is one of the best things that can happen in our lives. Many of us search and search for love and have trouble finding that special someone- either we don’t meet the right person – or we think we had met the person only to find out that he or she isn’t what we are looking for.

There are a few things we can do to help cupid get you moving in the right direction. First, you need to clarify the things that are important to you in a partner. By doing so, you will draw yourself towards the person and the relationship that you are looking for.

One of the most important tips is to, first decide what you ARE NOT looking for. What are your “deal-breakers”? What is absolutely essential for you to have in a long term relationship? Do you want to get married and have children? Think about critical issues such as finances, religion and lifestyles. These are your core values and you need to be clear on what you can compromise and what you can’t.

Once you have clarified these basic core values – your deal breakers, you need to trust yourself and stay clear of potential partners who fall outside of these categories. Typically, these are also things you can find out in a few dates. Hoping that your partner will change or telling yourself that “this doesn’t really matters,” will only set yourself up for heartache down the road. Follow what you’ve decided and ultimately it will lead your heart in the right direction. KNOWING YOUR DEAL-BREAKERS IS CRUCIAL AND STICKING TO THEM THE KEY.

Be open to trying new things and be realistic about the outcomes. While it is essential to clarify what you do not want in a relationship, it is also important to keep your mind open about the other qualities that the person can offer, even if these are qualities that you have not been attracted to before. Your deal-breakers should be kept to between 5-7 core values that you will not compromise.

Outside of that, be open minded about stepping out of your comfort zone and date people who may not be exactly what you think you are looking for. As long as they are not deal-breakers, keep your mind and heart open!

Another important tip: Make finding love and dating a priority. Just as a photographer never travels without his or her camera, a person looking looking for love should always be prepared to find love. Knowing what you are looking for and what you want in a relationship and what you do not want) is a good starting point. The next is to to make dating a priority, and that means dedicating  time and resources to it, this can be in the form of consciously expanding your social circle, joining dating events or taking up a new social hobby.
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