Ada Muses

Co-Founder Of The Dating Loft, Ada muses on dating, match-making and love….

Top 10 Traits Men look for in a Wife

June14
Top 10 Traits Men Want In A Wife
What attracts a man to his future wife? Sociologists Christine B. Whelan at the University of Pittsburgh and Christie F. Boxer at the University of Iowa, have finally answered the oft-debated question. They analyzed the results of a 2008 survey asking men to rank attractive qualities of a potential spouse. They then compared those results to women’s answers and to similar surveys conducted throughout the 1900s. A lot has changed in just a few decades.

No. 1: Mutual Attraction and Love
Above all, men want to marry a woman they love and are attracted to. While this may seem like a given, the “love marriage” is a modern development. Men started ranking this trait at No. 1 just a couple of decades ago, in the mid-1980s. Earlier in the 20th century, dependability, emotional maturity and a pleasing disposition ranked higher than love. Now, both men and women are marrying for love first and foremost, and marriages have become unions of passion, friendship, support and mutual attraction.

No. 2: Dependable Character
Throughout the 20th century a woman’s dependable character has been a top priority for men, who ranked it at No. 1 as far back as 1939. Like women, men want a life partner who will be trustworthy, faithful and reliable. They want a wife who will stand by their side and, considering divorce rates, it’s no surprise that dependability would continue to be attractive.

No. 3: Emotional Stability and Maturity
Both men and women consistently cite emotional stability and maturity as one of the most attractive traits in a potential spouse. While men often fall victim to the stereotype of prioritizing physical attraction, when it comes to a potential wife, they want a woman who is grounded and secure in herself. Women also place maturity at No. 3 on their lists of good-husband material.

No. 4: Education and Intelligence
A woman’s education and intelligence are more attractive to men than ever before. This characteristic has been steadily climbing the ranks of men’s desires for decades, up from No. 11 in 1939. Now that women are receiving 60% of college degrees and are half of the workforce, men are looking for women who are both intelligent and educated–or in other words, more accomplished and interesting than ever.

No 5: Pleasing Disposition
Men place a potential wife’s pleasing disposition at No. 5 and have included it in their top-five traits since the 1930s. On the other hand, women in recent years are less likely to prioritize a man’s pleasing disposition. Until recently, women consistently ranked it at No. 4, but it currently appears as No. 7.

No. 6: Sociability
Both men and women rank sociability at No. 6 on their lists of mate preferences. And for both sexes, it has been steadily moving up the list from around No. 12 in 1939. Because today’s married couples are more likely to be friends and have mutual circles of friends, it makes sense that this has become a more attractive characteristic.

No. 7: Good Health
Men look for good health in a potential wife, but it is slightly less important to them today than it was in the past. In the 1930s and again in the 1970s, they ranked a woman’s health at No. 5. They are smart to rank it fairly high on their marriage-material list. Both sexes are living well into their 70s, and often older, making good health a predictor of a long-lasting.

No. 8: Good Looks
Women’s looks have become increasingly important to men over the years. The trait has jumped up seven spots, from No. 15 in 1956. (Looks did not make the top 10 list of what women want in a husband, but it has become more important to them over time too–jumping from No. 18 to No. 12). Perhaps because modern marriages are more likely based on love and attraction rather than practicalities (like wealth or status), physical attractiveness is more desirable.

No. 9: Desire for Home and Children
A woman’s desire for home and children has become less attractive to men over time. In 1939, men ranked it at No. 6. As women have increasingly achieved similar levels of education and career status, men may have begun to perceive them as more equal partners. How to divide the labor of home and work isn’t as obvious as it was to their grandparents’ generation.

No. 10: Ambition and Industriousness
Despite the pervasive stereotype that men are intimidated by ambitious women, men rank this trait ahead of others like refinement, being a good cook and having similar religious backgrounds. While it’s not high on their list (No. 10 out of 18), it is clear that men find a woman’s drive, determination and energy attractive qualities in a life partner.

Full article at: http://www.forbes.com/2010/05/26/what-men-want-in-a-wife-forbes-woman-well-being-marriage_slide.html

What strikes me is the amount of SIMILARITY among the sexes, on what we are all looking for in our future partners…. The top 3 important qualities for BOTH men women are the SAME, namely:

*Mutual Attraction and Love

*Dependable Character

*Emotional Stability and Maturity

Thus, Be the Right One to Attract the Right One. Being The Right  Person (having the right character and values) = Being The Right Husband/Wife = Being The Right Parent and having The Right Kids.
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Why get married at all? Women don’t need providers and men don’t need in-house procreators.

June9

Read an interesting article on Channel News Asia. Why do men and women get married? Have you ever wondered?
Why get married at all? Women don’t need providers and men don’t need in-house procreators. Turns out, we both want to get married. But for very different reasons.

For all the young women who’ve chewed their nails to the skin anticipating a proposal, it may be a relief to know that, yes, men still want to get married. But there’s a critical difference between the sexes. In broad terms, when a woman falls in love, just like the Trinity character in The Matrix, she knows he’s The One. But a man’s readiness can be seen as a life stage. To call on The Matrix again, a time when he’s ready to take the red pill.

“He first needs to feel like he knows what he’s doing in the world and where he’s going,” says John Gray, relationship counselor and author of the Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus books. “Women are more concerned about who they’re going with.”

“Historically men have been more eager to marry when they’re financially secure, and women have wanted to marry when they wanted children,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and author of Why Him? Why Her? Fisher calls it a “human male need” to provide for his wife, a desire that hearkens back to our hunter-and-gatherer days when the “dual-income family was the rule.” She harvested the fruits and vegetables, and he brought home the meat.

But when the woman was pregnant or nurturing small children, she was vulnerable. It became the man’s job to protect and provide for his family. Today, still, men do not feel ready for marriage until they can fulfill that historic role, albeit with career stability and a certain amount in the bank rather than a bison turning on the spit.

The real change is that now marriage readiness goes both ways. Gray says that he’s observed a shift in marriage because of women’s education and work. Women now receive 60% of college degrees and comprise half the workforce. “When she has a good job, her security needs are met, and she looks for a man to provide emotional support,” says Gray. Women are looking for partners who are romantic, supportive, good communicators and will be helpful on the home front, Gray says.

Researchers and sociology professors Christine B. Whelan at the University of Pittsburgh and Christie F. Boxer at the University of Iowa set out to find out what men and women look for in a spouse and uncovered this very trend. From a list of attractive traits, women ranked a man’s desire for home and children at No. 4. In past decades they had ranked it much lower. In 1977, for example, it was No. 10.

Men’s standards, too, have changed in what they find attractive in a potential wife. Until the 1960s men ranked a woman’s education and intelligence at No. 11 on their lists of attractive qualities. Now men prioritize a woman’s intelligence over her good looks, ranking it at No. 4 as compared to No. 8.

And unlike the urban myth of husband-hunters like Sex and the City’s Charlotte York, more women are delaying or forgoing marriage. According to the current population survey, the median age at first marriage in 2009 was 26 for women and 28 for men, up from 22 and 25 a century ago. Marriage historian Stephanie Coontz, a professor at the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., says with more options, women are delaying marriage to pursue education and find the man they really love.

“It’s only in the last 20 years that women have said they’d marry just for love,” says Coontz. “It used to be that people were embarrassed to admit they loved their spouse, but now they’re embarrassed to admit the other reasons for marriage.”

Sociologist Whelan believes that both sexes tie the knot due to a combination of love and social pressure, and that pressure comes a bit later for men. The typical ready-to-wed man, she says, has been out of college for a few years, maybe just got a promotion or raise, and has experienced a summer of attending several of his friends’ weddings.

Once friends start walking down the aisle, “it’s as if a light bulb goes off in their heads,” says Whelan. Suddenly men realize they want to settle down, and they start seeing the women they date through an is-she-wife-material lens.

Read the complete article at http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/living/view/1061042/1/.html
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Dating Foreigners in Singapore – Series 1

May18

As we see an increase number of foreigners (including Permanent Residents) coming to The Dating Loft, hoping to find love with the local residents, I realizes that we Singaporeans view certain races and nationalities differently with some deeply held prejudices that just won’t go away. Even though we claim to grow up in a multi-racial society, we are never able to view each with equality.

From my experiences at The Dating Loft, Here is a list of the nationalities/race and the reactions we have towards them:
1) Mainland Chinese – We have seen a surge in the number of mainland Chinese coming to work and live in Singapore. Admittedly we still receive a steady stream of inquiries from Chinese Gals who can’t speak English and whose only requirement is a “Singapore man with good income”, there is a small but growing pool of professionals who speak English and are taking the step to meet more locals to expand their social circle. Some local men have expressed apprehension in meeting them as they are afraid of them being “gold diggers” and felt that their friends and family might viewed them differently if they really get married. Well not every Mainland Chinese woman is after your moolah, just open your eyes and know them better before losing your heads (both).

2) Angmos (loosely classified as Anglo-Saxons from USA< Australia and Europe) - Desperately pursued by SPG-types, and desired by a number of local women (usually older, more cosmopolitan/"angmo pai" type) who viewed them as "more fun, more romantic, higher (expat) income, more gentlemanly...." From my experiences dealing with them, only a small percentage truly wants to settle down. They are HOT here, with women pursuing them at clubs, pubs and bars, even if they are nowhere near the likes of Brad Pitt or Jude Law. Hence they are unlikely to settle especially if they are only here for the short term. However I do have to say that some are really quite witty and intelligent and they are less picky on superficial requirements such as age and marital status.

3) Malaysian Chinese
- Even though Singapore is so close to Malaysia and used to be a part of them, the vast disparity in economic development between both countries have unfortunately led to a subtle but persistent prejudice against them. Some local men (especially those of higher economic status) have subtly let on that they do not want to meet Malaysian Gals who can’t speak good English and are technical workers (such as beauticians or hairstylist) as they feel it’s a loss of face for them. Other men prefers to meet Malaysian Gals because they are deemed as “more down to earth, more gentle and less demanding than local gals”. Local women on the whole do not really want to meet Malaysian men unless they had studied abroad or have a really good job here. Well, to each your own….I have met plenty of Malaysian men and women who are successful, and there are also very gentle and family-oriented gals here.

At the end of the day, keeping an open mind is the most important thing. You really never know until you meet the person.
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Get tips from dating insiders, learn magic and make Lego minifigs….

May3

Had a wonderful and relalxing break at Phuket over the long weekend and today i’m officially back to work!
My colleagues at Getthemdates have lined up an exciting array of workshops for you this month and the next! You can pick up insider tips from a renowned Beauty Queen, learn card and coin tricks to impress your date or learn how to use lego to make minifigs while immersing in relationship building!
legocouple
Find out more at http://www.getthemdates.com/shops/view/22
Learn magic tricks to confidently approach that cute gal or guy!
gtd-magic
Check out these exciting and sizzling workshops from Inqueenz founder and holder of countless beauty titles, Genecia Luo:
gtd1
gtdbeautifulwomen
Hurry! Limited places available. Register and payonline at http://www.getthemdates.com/shops!
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How Dateable Are You – take the challenge NOW!

April28

datebanner
We have recently launched a new quiz at The Dating Loft website, titled “How Dateable Are You?” and I’m quite proud of it! Before we launch it, I have sent this to my colleagues as well as a few friends to trial test it and most of the feedback was “It’s quite accurate! how did you know?” =)
So How Dateable Are You? Are you the type to be never lack of a date invite, always out on some activity or another? Or are your weekends filled with too many hours of TV watching and Net surfing?
A mirror to ourselves helped us to see our blind spots which we might otherwise conveniently ignore or pretend it’s non existent.
Have Fun!
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