Ada Muses

Co-Founder Of The Dating Loft, Ada muses on dating, match-making and love….

Happy Valentine’s Day!

February10

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Loved this design by Spark – a combination of Love, Happiness and Prosperity!

Wishing all readers all this and more in the upcoming year! =)

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The Dating Loft is On CLEO February 2010!

January20

garion_cleo2Thanks Serene for the copy of CLEO FEB 2010!

I was approached more than a month ago by Serene to match and to find a date for Joanne, a spontaneous and outgoing girl who have been single for a while.

This is the first time The Dating Loft is doing a blind match for CLEO and I was pretty excited by it!

Serene sent me a list of Joanne’s criteria:

Age: 29 – 34

Height min 170cm (cos I’m 1.69cm) and well built (not fat) Race: Chinese or mixed races

Like guys who are outgoing, open minded, humorous, well travelled or educated overseas, good looking (who doesn’t!), unpretentious. He can’t be a weakling cos she goes for muay thai. Likes guys who games too as she’s a gamer chick (but not too hardcore)

Bonus points for being an Aussie born Chinese and if he’s able to cook.

I met up with Joanne during lunch hour and did her profiling for her. She was a really attractive girl with a wide grin and definitely very sociable and spontaneous. We had a good chat and I gained some insights on what she might be looking for.

The next challenge is to find someone whom she can have a good date with, AND the guy has to be open about appearing on CLEO, which effectively eliminates about 90% of the single men who are generally camera-shy and very conscious about maintaining their privacy…. I personally think it is an ego thing, men just didn’t want others to know that they want/need help with their dates!

Finally I contacted Garion, a relatively new member of The Dating Loft and I personally called him to introduce myself  and to share Joanne’s profile with him. All went well….until I had to reveal that it is part of CLEO thingy…There was a pause, and I ventured,”I understand you might find this too sudden and awkward, but I promise you I will be there to do the introductions…. and it will be fun! Plus not everyone can get a chance to go on date on Cleo! If you need some time to think about it, can I call you back tomorrow?”

Another pause. And Garion replied, “Can I give you my answer now?”. My heart sank a little, he is probably going to reject me again but he said, “The answer is Yes. I am definitely nervous about this but I think I will give it a try!” Yippes!!!

On the very day of the date, I rushed down to the cafe. In my haste I forgot to bring the phone which Serene (the writer) was supposed to contact me on. I was actually 10 minutes early and noone was there yet. I called Garion as I had received  an earlier sms from him – he is definitely feeling unsure about this. Luckily he was already nearby. I decided to grab him for a quick bite and chat to put him at ease. After all, with food in your tummy and me for company, noone could be nervous for long! =)

We went to MOS burger and started chatting about his work and his frequent business trips to China and his love for night cycling. Time flew and I realised we were nearly 15 minutes late! Ditching my ice milk tea, I grabbed Garion and we flew down to Black Cafe. Apologising profusely for our lateness, I introduced Garion to Joanne while Serene snapped photos of us.

Serene then ushered me to another corner, while Garion and Joanne started chatting. “He’s cute!” gushed Serene as she sat down at the table with me, “Is he a real member?”. I smiled, “Of course he is! He’s quite eligible and really nice  as well….” We went on to dicuss about the local dating scene, and the perception that there is a dearth of good men in Singapore.

Before we finally left the cafe one hour later, Garion and Joanne exchanged contacts and Serene took  more photos. The date went well!  Garion shared that he was at ease, and it turned out much better than he expected. I was really happy when I heard that. Garion:  Thank you so much for agreeing to participate in this! Wish you all the best in your dating journey!

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Tips on Finding Love (Part 2): What to look for in a Man?

January9

After you make finding love a pirority, and have decided to go expand your social circles to meet more people….and have met some people whom you are keen to know better. How then do you separate the frogs from the prince? Are there things to take note of before you decided to hand your heart over on a platter?

According to Dr Brown, here’s some tips to help you figure out what to look for in a man.

1) What are his relationships like? Take note of how he interacts with his friends, colleagues and family. When you can determine what kind of person he is in other relationships, you should get a pretty good idea of what he will be like if he is in a love relationship with you. You can also look to his past relationships to get a feel of the kind of partner he will be. Did past relationships end amicably? Is he still friends with past partners?

2) How are his manners? is he on time? Whether a person has simple etiquette or not can be telling of his character. Does he talk on his mobile phone when you are in a conversation? How does he treat the wait staff when he is a restaurant with you? Does he treat the wait staff as people or servants? If he make a mistake, does he accept it or does he always push the blame to others?

3) Look for chemistry, not just appearance. If you don’t feel an attraction at the first meeting, don’t give up. Physcial atttraction often increases as two people get to know and trust each other. Give yourself and the other party a chance before you jump ship.
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Dating & Love: Did I marry the Right Person?

October8

It was forwarded to me in email by a friend and i liked it so much that I decided to reproduce here….=)

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
She said, “How do I know if I married the right person?”
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,
“It depends. Is that your husband?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?”

Let me answer this question because the chances are
good that it’s weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked
their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love…

Because it’s happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept off my feet.” Think about the
imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage! , you wi ll notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry
the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with
someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their
spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for
fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;

IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the labor of love.”

Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your
marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there
are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and
effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable…you
can “make” love.

Love in marriage is indeed a “decision”… Not just a feeling .

No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.

No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.

And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE.

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Life’s Ponder: Surrogates – Are we a subsitute for our real selves?

October6

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Just caught the new Bruce Willis movie, Surrogate and although it sucks, it does inspire me to write this blog entry. On Surrogate and Simulacra. The definition of Surrogate (by the free online dictionary) is: One that takes the place of another; a substitute.

The idea of a simulacra is most commonly expressed through the popular cult movie, The Matrix but is originally part of a philosophical treatise by Jean Baudrillard that discusses the interaction between reality, symbols and society. In short, Baudrillard claims that modern society has replaced all reality and meaning with symbols and signs, and that the human experience is of a simulation of reality rather than reality itself. The simulacra that Baudrillard refers to are signs of culture and media that create the perceived reality; Baudrillard believed that society has become so reliant on simulacra that it has lost contact with the real world on which the simulacra are based.

Which is what the humans in Surrogate are doing – they are living their lives through robotic surrogates who have created a stimulation of reality for the humans. Their surrogates are living the lives that the humans dreamed of – they can run faster than cars, jump higher than anything known, they feel no pain no stress and they always look like they’ve just stepped out of the centerfold of Vogue. In fact there are no fat or ugly or balding people….only surrogates. Crime rate is down 99%, and when they get out of hand, they get ‘disconnected’ by the police.

There is no need ever for the humans to be out on the streets, anything and everything can be done for them through their surrogates. So when someone started ‘killing’ the surrogates with a special gun that also causes the connecting human’s brains to explode, it sets off alarms. Their simulacrum is threatened.

Check out the last scenes when the masses of surrogates ‘expired’ on the streets while the frail and ‘normal’ humans (most in pyjamas) hobbled out of their homes; the contrast between them is telling. And bad as Bruce Willis’ acting is, he did get it right when he finally met his wife in flesh and said, “All I wanted was you.”

And this brings me to think about how this applies to us now living here in a city – are we displaced from reality? Are we in our own ways, subjugating our true selves in order to live up to a representation of reality (a simulacra)? Do we send our personal surrogates to live our lives while we retreat behind the safety of non-involvement? After all, if you don’t fall, you will never get a bruised shin; if you don’t love, you will not get hurt; if you don’t try, you will never fail.

And you will remain a shiny perfect robot….until the next recharge.

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