Ada Muses

Co-Founder Of The Dating Loft, Ada muses on dating, match-making and love….

Online Dating Site Getthemdates’ Hot Room is ready to be used!

December17

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Getthemdates Hot Room is finally Ready!

What makes Gethemdates so special is that it is probably the ONLY local online dating website that provides verification of members (their marital status, personal information) typically only provided by personalised dating service providers. Hence, you can be quite confident that the Hot members you met on www.getthemdates.com are *bona fide singles who are also hopeful to find someone.

The Hot room allows the members to invite other members to chat privately and know each other better. Ella, our online cupid will also be organizing different themed online meet ups via the Hot Room so that our Getthemdates members can log on in the privacy and comfort of their own homes and get to know other real singles!

Ella’s Tip: Be sure to log on and check out your inbox as well as your emails for updates of upcoming online events! Go to www.getthemdates.com for more  information or email ella@getthemdates.com if you have more queries!

www.getthemdates.com is a wholly owned subsidary of The Dating Loft Pte Ltd, but the database of members are kept separate from each other.
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Great News at The Dating Loft: Another Couple got hitched!

December9

Beth & I with the happy couple!
Just attended another wedding where we had played a positive role in! Very happy to see them married after a year and a half together! Had a great lunch at Megu Hall, Singapore Flyer where they held their wedding.

The sight of them walking hand in arm together in their wedding garb brings back memories….
Every couple will have their differences and difficulties. I am glad they have decided to focus on bridging differences and overcoming obstacles to build a lifetime together.

It is well known that KP is a model husband. The guys like to joke that he “spoilt the market”! He would go back home each night to to pick Pristine up from her workplace (or wherever she is), and drove her back. She lived in the west while he lived in the east.  And he had been doing this everyday since they started dating…. The girls are really envious! =P

Whatever it is, I am glad they have made it to the red aisle, but there is a long journey ahead…. Jia you!
Tip: Reaffirm your commitment to each other through regular and consistent expressions of love. COntinue to date each other even after marriage!
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Number 1 Tip for Love and Happiness: The ability to Forget

November9

The ability to forget is as important as a good memory. Being able to tell what for which, ah, that’s the key.” – Malcolm Forbes.

Recently read some very interesting quotes on the topic of memory in Forbes Asia. When I read the above quote, my eyes lit up. I grinned. I finally have a convincing quip for my infamous lapses of memory. Some things slip my mind easily, while I have often console myself that it’s because the thing is not important that’s why I don’t remember it. Right. Try telling yourself that when you stare at a whole pot of black mush in dismay because you forgot to turn off the stove or you turn up at the wrong place for the wrong appointment because you forgot.

On the other side of the coin, I don’t bear grudges because I really do not remember much of why I was angry or why the quarrel started in the first place. I have known people who kept an internal scorecard against everyone – all that is being said or done or gave or received, so that they can even the score exactly. For instance, I have heard of an acquaintance who keeps tab of who responded to her invitations to her baby girls’ shower and who gave what gifts. And if you are the few who promised to turn up and didn’t, you will be ‘placed’ on her blacklist and she will always remember what you didn’t do.

Likewise in my interactions with the singles, I have observed that many seems to be single because they have not ‘forgotten’. Forgotten about past loves, past hurt, past guilt, past whatever. Take away all the convenient excuses of “too busy with career”, “no time” or “haven’t found the right one”, and a common thread exists:  A lady was single for 10 years after she was dumped by her first love, seemingly always meeting the wrong men and thus giving herself reasons not to go into another relationship. Another wasted 6 years in singleland, protecting herself with a shield that no man in his right mind would attempt to cross – tomboy dressing and an icy exterior.

I think when one truly forgotten, then one can live again. The Jewish writer, Sholem Asch wrote, “Not the power to remember, but it’s very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.”
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Life’s Tips: Life’s a Ship Voyage….

October29

Someone once told me that that our life journey is like being on a ship voyage crossing vast oceans and landing at different ports in all parts of the world. We will meet different people as we embark on the journey; some will stay with us for a part of the journey teaching us certain things about ourselves or about life, their words and deeds lingering in our hearts long after they disembarked. There will be people who have caused us heartache and grief; but we must always remember that none of all this – grief, pain, anger, helplessness, guilt or fear is permanent unless we allow it to be.

If we allowed ourselves to sail through life like being on a ship voyage – smile appreciatingly at the breathtaking sunrises and sunsets, enjoy the sensation of the sea breeze fluttering through your hair, dance freely on the deck, and greet every traveller you met with a genuine smile and a cheery ‘adios’!

There will be friendships built, laughter aplenty, relationships nutured, love given. At certain ports, people will come and go. You might even disembark and get on another ship heading for another part of the wrold. Mourn not for the loss of the companionships, rejoice instead at the love that you have shared. Let there be tears of appreciation as you bid your farewells, and say to yourself, “Such is Life!”.

Life Tips: Let there be No Regrets!
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Dating Reality Check: If you want to ask for the Sky, do you possess the qualities required to be Cloud?

October23

Am really happy when a 38-year old female member got together with a 34-year old male member recently….Both are really nice people and have been single for the longest time. Such news really warmed our hearts and motivate us at The Dating Loft to work even harder for our members! Because it is really not easy matching people, especially people of a certain age.

Truth is, when women reached a certain age (say above 35), the chances of them getting a partner lowers dramatically. Most of the couples we have successfully matched are in their mid 20s to mid 30s, with a majority concentration in late 20s group. It is not just that the female’s fertility rate drops by half when we reach 35 as compared to 30, or that our wrinkles (or other physical signs of aging) are more prounouced that makes it harder for us to match them. But it is the whole attitude and mentality towards dating and the expectations one have of your partner that widens the chasm between the success rate for the under 35s and above 35s.

At The Dating Loft, personally I have seen and interviewed many successful career women in their 30s, who have set certain unrealistic expectations for their potential dates. Some members in their mid 30s sometimes emailed us with their criteria, with the list growing longer each time of what kind of man we should be setting them up with. With criteria ranging from “Only MD level and above”, “Good complexion with no pockmarked face or pimple scars” and “Above a certain height and not more than a certain height” and earns “200k and above”, and these are ONLY brought up after we have done their profiles (with far more realistic expectations) and accepted them as members.

Another refuses to go on a date with a man who falls a few cm short of her ideal height, even though he fulfills a majority of her other criteria in religion and education and income level. And we are talking about a first date, and a first date is, I have always thought, is a FIRST TRY – a face-to-face meet up for both to assess the level of communication and interest in each other. By tightly adhering to whatever ideals you have in your mind, you have successfully eliminated 90% of the eligible men that you might possibly enjoyed dinner and conversation with.

Don’t me wrong, I am not saying you should “lower your standards” – which is what many women brought up. Yeah, you would rather remain single than just marrying anyone. But this is not about marrying just anyone. We are not asking you to marry any Tom, Dick or Harry, only to open your heart and mind and ask yourself: “Does a few cm difference in height makes for a huge fundamental difference in determining a man’s character and worth?” In cold practical terms, in asking for that MD or Director with certain earning power, looks and height, do you possess what it takes to “exchange” with your youth, beauty, talent and virtue?

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