Been in Hangzhou for the past few days, and I terribly missed the following things (apart from my loved ones):
1) Facebook
2) Facebook
3) Facebook

In terms of the dating culture here, online chatting seems to be a very popular venue for the young people here (in their 20s) to meet new friends. They tend to marry at a younger age, most of the newly-wedded couples I meet are only in their mid twenties, with the majority of them perferring to have kids later. Most of them are the only child in the family, hence if a 独女 (Only Girl)，独子 (Only Biy) marry, they can have two kids instead of one. However, many of them whom I have spoken to, says one kid is more than enough as the economic costs of bringing them is very high….

Dating programs seem to be very popular here, the most peopular dating program is called “非城无扰”, which is derived from a movie which starred Ge You (a popular China actor) and Shu Qi, filmed in Hangzhou. This phrase literally means: “if you are not sincere (in knowing me), then please do not disturb me”, referring to a self description in a personal ad placed by Ge You in the movie.

Single men and women flocked to join dating programs such as 非城无扰, which has sprawned copycats all over China. I was pretty ticked to find out that one of Eeping’s friend in Hangzhou recently went on one, where he self introduced himself and was evaluated by 18 girls on TV! He did have a match eventually, but the girl went off to Hong Kong after that….

Will Singapore ever have a program such as 非城无扰? =P I really doubt it because the singles here preferred to be perceived as coolly single rather than exhibiting any enthusiasm in seeking a life partner. i think it will kill us to laid bare our hopes and expectations in front of  national  TV and having a group of men/women critiquing us.

Read an interesting article on Channel News Asia. Why do men and women get married? Have you ever wondered?
Why get married at all? Women don’t need providers and men don’t need in-house procreators. Turns out, we both want to get married. But for very different reasons.

For all the young women who’ve chewed their nails to the skin anticipating a proposal, it may be a relief to know that, yes, men still want to get married. But there’s a critical difference between the sexes. In broad terms, when a woman falls in love, just like the Trinity character in The Matrix, she knows he’s The One. But a man’s readiness can be seen as a life stage. To call on The Matrix again, a time when he’s ready to take the red pill.

“He first needs to feel like he knows what he’s doing in the world and where he’s going,” says John Gray, relationship counselor and author of the Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus books. “Women are more concerned about who they’re going with.”

“Historically men have been more eager to marry when they’re financially secure, and women have wanted to marry when they wanted children,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and author of Why Him? Why Her? Fisher calls it a “human male need” to provide for his wife, a desire that hearkens back to our hunter-and-gatherer days when the “dual-income family was the rule.” She harvested the fruits and vegetables, and he brought home the meat.

But when the woman was pregnant or nurturing small children, she was vulnerable. It became the man’s job to protect and provide for his family. Today, still, men do not feel ready for marriage until they can fulfill that historic role, albeit with career stability and a certain amount in the bank rather than a bison turning on the spit.

The real change is that now marriage readiness goes both ways. Gray says that he’s observed a shift in marriage because of women’s education and work. Women now receive 60% of college degrees and comprise half the workforce. “When she has a good job, her security needs are met, and she looks for a man to provide emotional support,” says Gray. Women are looking for partners who are romantic, supportive, good communicators and will be helpful on the home front, Gray says.

Researchers and sociology professors Christine B. Whelan at the University of Pittsburgh and Christie F. Boxer at the University of Iowa set out to find out what men and women look for in a spouse and uncovered this very trend. From a list of attractive traits, women ranked a man’s desire for home and children at No. 4. In past decades they had ranked it much lower. In 1977, for example, it was No. 10.

Men’s standards, too, have changed in what they find attractive in a potential wife. Until the 1960s men ranked a woman’s education and intelligence at No. 11 on their lists of attractive qualities. Now men prioritize a woman’s intelligence over her good looks, ranking it at No. 4 as compared to No. 8.

And unlike the urban myth of husband-hunters like Sex and the City’s Charlotte York, more women are delaying or forgoing marriage. According to the current population survey, the median age at first marriage in 2009 was 26 for women and 28 for men, up from 22 and 25 a century ago. Marriage historian Stephanie Coontz, a professor at the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., says with more options, women are delaying marriage to pursue education and find the man they really love.

“It’s only in the last 20 years that women have said they’d marry just for love,” says Coontz. “It used to be that people were embarrassed to admit they loved their spouse, but now they’re embarrassed to admit the other reasons for marriage.”

Sociologist Whelan believes that both sexes tie the knot due to a combination of love and social pressure, and that pressure comes a bit later for men. The typical ready-to-wed man, she says, has been out of college for a few years, maybe just got a promotion or raise, and has experienced a summer of attending several of his friends’ weddings.

Once friends start walking down the aisle, “it’s as if a light bulb goes off in their heads,” says Whelan. Suddenly men realize they want to settle down, and they start seeing the women they date through an is-she-wife-material lens.

Read the complete article at http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/living/view/1061042/1/.html

As we see an increase number of foreigners (including Permanent Residents) coming to The Dating Loft, hoping to find love with the local residents, I realizes that we Singaporeans view certain races and nationalities differently with some deeply held prejudices that just won’t go away. Even though we claim to grow up in a multi-racial society, we are never able to view each with equality.

From my experiences at The Dating Loft, Here is a list of the nationalities/race and the reactions we have towards them:
1) Mainland Chinese – We have seen a surge in the number of mainland Chinese coming to work and live in Singapore. Admittedly we still receive a steady stream of inquiries from Chinese Gals who can’t speak English and whose only requirement is a “Singapore man with good income”, there is a small but growing pool of professionals who speak English and are taking the step to meet more locals to expand their social circle. Some local men have expressed apprehension in meeting them as they are afraid of them being “gold diggers” and felt that their friends and family might viewed them differently if they really get married. Well not every Mainland Chinese woman is after your moolah, just open your eyes and know them better before losing your heads (both).

2) Angmos (loosely classified as Anglo-Saxons from USA< Australia and Europe) - Desperately pursued by SPG-types, and desired by a number of local women (usually older, more cosmopolitan/"angmo pai" type) who viewed them as "more fun, more romantic, higher (expat) income, more gentlemanly...." From my experiences dealing with them, only a small percentage truly wants to settle down. They are HOT here, with women pursuing them at clubs, pubs and bars, even if they are nowhere near the likes of Brad Pitt or Jude Law. Hence they are unlikely to settle especially if they are only here for the short term. However I do have to say that some are really quite witty and intelligent and they are less picky on superficial requirements such as age and marital status.

3) Malaysian Chinese - Even though Singapore is so close to Malaysia and used to be a part of them, the vast disparity in economic development between both countries have unfortunately led to a subtle but persistent prejudice against them. Some local men (especially those of higher economic status) have subtly let on that they do not want to meet Malaysian Gals who can’t speak good English and are technical workers (such as beauticians or hairstylist) as they feel it’s a loss of face for them. Other men prefers to meet Malaysian Gals because they are deemed as “more down to earth, more gentle and less demanding than local gals”. Local women on the whole do not really want to meet Malaysian men unless they had studied abroad or have a really good job here. Well, to each your own….I have met plenty of Malaysian men and women who are successful, and there are also very gentle and family-oriented gals here.

At the end of the day, keeping an open mind is the most important thing. You really never know until you meet the person.

Can’t believe my ears too when I hear from my colleague that a couple actually met through the Hot Room Chat channel on www.getthemdates.com, chatted with each other, went out and then got together…. and then they got married! All within a few short months! And mind, the Hot Room is only officially functional for less than 3 months!

Definitely unexpected! Sharing the good news here – hope we have more of such matches! You really never know when you are going to meet someone who will set your heart afluttering.
So now promoting our Early Bird Workshop Combo! Hurry offer ending 10th may 2010!

I am happy to hear that some couples whom we had introduced  at  The Dating Loft, have unofficially toed into the “almost exclusive dating” arena. However, as with the start of most relationship, there are the uncertainties that marked the beginning – Is he or she the right one for me? What if this doesn’t work out? Beth has been “counselling” a few clients these few days on this eternal dilemma – to be or not to be (in the relationship)?

Classic case: Boy meets Girl. Both enjoyed the first date. They started going out on a regular basis, sms-ing each other daily…. After a few weeks, Boy tells Girl he likes her and would like to take the relationship a step further. Girl likes boy but is afraid that it is too soon to go into a relationship, hidden fears of making the wrong choice rears it’s head. Plus, there are other people she is still casually getting to know better….and she can’t make up her mind. Boy stops contact, Girl feels the loss and take the initiative to contact Boy for dinner. Movie is still on, conclusion is yet reached.

From my experience, girls tend to think too much and often has a lot of fears about making the wrong decision. However at the end of the day, listen to your own heart. Yes you had only know him for a few weeks, and you really don’t know him that well. But the only way you can really know someone is to start dating him. Really date him and go out with him, get to know his habits, his lifestyle, his friends, his thinking, his family…. if at the end of the day, you find that both of you are not suitable, then stop it and move on. At least you gave yourself (and him) a chance.

For guys, if you really like her, take the initative to make known your feelings and that you want to take the relationship further. DO not be afraid of scaring her off; most girls secretly admired your courage and your willingness to take the risk for her. Of course don’t go overboard with your declaration, know when to beat a graceful exit if the girl is not keen.

If you feel she is kinda interested but still undecided, give her time and room to make her own decision. If you feel she has plenty of choices and is just enjoying your attention without giving you a commitment, the best thing to do is to let her know you respect her choices, but you cannot wait forever and you will be exploring your options to meet other girls. Don’t let her take you for granted. I know someone who lavishes all his attention (and gifts) and time on a much younger girl for more than 4 years while the girl refuses to enter into a committed relationship with him. And he is still waiting….

If she values you, she will come back to you. It is the same for both sexes – do  not be afraid to lose. In losing, you can  gain your rightful love. Most tend to cling on too tightly because of  the fear of loss. Even if the relationship comes to naught, at the very least you have tried. There is always someone better.