“The ability to forget is as important as a good memory. Being able to tell what for which, ah, that’s the key.” – Malcolm Forbes.

Recently read some very interesting quotes on the topic of memory in Forbes Asia. When I read the above quote, my eyes lit up. I grinned. I finally have a convincing quip for my infamous lapses of memory. Some things slip my mind easily, while I have often console myself that it’s because the thing is not important that’s why I don’t remember it. Right. Try telling yourself that when you stare at a whole pot of black mush in dismay because you forgot to turn off the stove or you turn up at the wrong place for the wrong appointment because you forgot.

On the other side of the coin, I don’t bear grudges because I really do not remember much of why I was angry or why the quarrel started in the first place. I have known people who kept an internal scorecard against everyone – all that is being said or done or gave or received, so that they can even the score exactly. For instance, I have heard of an acquaintance who keeps tab of who responded to her invitations to her baby girls’ shower and who gave what gifts. And if you are the few who promised to turn up and didn’t, you will be ‘placed’ on her blacklist and she will always remember what you didn’t do.

Likewise in my interactions with the singles, I have observed that many seems to be single because they have not ‘forgotten’. Forgotten about past loves, past hurt, past guilt, past whatever. Take away all the convenient excuses of “too busy with career”, “no time” or “haven’t found the right one”, and a common thread exists:  A lady was single for 10 years after she was dumped by her first love, seemingly always meeting the wrong men and thus giving herself reasons not to go into another relationship. Another wasted 6 years in singleland, protecting herself with a shield that no man in his right mind would attempt to cross – tomboy dressing and an icy exterior.

I think when one truly forgotten, then one can live again. The Jewish writer, Sholem Asch wrote, “Not the power to remember, but it’s very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence.”