What do women want? Sociologists Christine B. Whelan at the University of Pittsburgh and Christie F. Boxer at the University of Iowa have answered the age-old question…
Full story at: http://www.forbes.com/2010/05/26/what-do-women-want-in-husband-forbes-woman-well-being-marriage_slide_2.html

No. 10: A Good Financial Prospect
Interestingly, modern women rank a man’s financial potential as more desirable than they have in the past. In 1939 women ranked it lower on the list, at No. 13. It still comes in after items like love and maturity, but perhaps today’s women realize that a good economic partner is good husband material

Health has been an important characteristic for women through the 20th century and remains so today. One might argue that because we’re living even longer, health plays a huge role in the success of a marriage.

No. 9: Good Health

No. 8: Ambition and Industriousness
Ambition has become less important to women over time, though it still makes their top 10 checklist. It may be that because more women are thriving in the workforce, they want a husband who has earning power but aren’t looking for him to be the sole provider. In 1939 women ranked ambition at No. 3, and it was No. 4 in 1956.

No. 7: Pleasing Disposition
Surprisingly, a man’s likability does not rank as high on women’s list of wants as it used to. Until recently, women consistently ranked it at No. 4. Perhaps women are now more willing to accept a man for who he his, despite the inevitable mood swings.

No. 6: Sociability
Both men and women rank sociability at No. 6 on their marriage-material list. And for both sexes, it has been steadily moving up the list from around No. 12 in 1939. The rise of the “love marriage,” a partnership based on attraction rather than practicalities (like wealth or status) might mean that married couples are more likely to be friends and have mutual circles of friends.

No. 5: Education and Intelligence
Women have ranked education and intelligence at No. 5 since 1977, making it one of their most desirable male traits for 30 years. This timeline coincides with more and more women receiving college educations themselves. Once education became important in women’s lives, it became a more attractive trait in potential husbands.

No. 4: Desire for Home and Children
Today, women are much more attracted to men who are interested in home and family than they ever have been. In 1977 they ranked this characteristic at No. 10. Because most women today are expecting to be in dual-earner relationships, they want husbands who will be happy and willing to contribute at home. More women today even report that they hope he will take the lead at home.

No. 3: Emotional Stability and Maturity
This has consistently ranked in women’s top three throughout the 20th century. Men, too, place a heavy emphasis on a potential wife’s emotional maturity, signaling that it’s a key quality for a stable partnership. Women seem to look past appearance to the heart of the matter

No. 2: Dependable Character
Women want a husband that they can count on, and this hasn’t changed in recent years. Yes, women look to their spouse to be a lover and friend, but they also want him to be supportive and trustworthy. They want to know that he will be there and will be loyal. Men, too, rank dependable character high on their lists, at No. 2.

No. 1: Mutual Attraction and Love
The highest-rated characteristic women seek from men is mutual attraction and love. They no longer look for a man who will provide for them; they want to be in love. In 1939, when women had no job prospects and needed to marry, they ranked love at No. 5.

So men, have you figured out how to get the woman that you want?

Read an interesting article on Channel News Asia. Why do men and women get married? Have you ever wondered?
Why get married at all? Women don’t need providers and men don’t need in-house procreators. Turns out, we both want to get married. But for very different reasons.

For all the young women who’ve chewed their nails to the skin anticipating a proposal, it may be a relief to know that, yes, men still want to get married. But there’s a critical difference between the sexes. In broad terms, when a woman falls in love, just like the Trinity character in The Matrix, she knows he’s The One. But a man’s readiness can be seen as a life stage. To call on The Matrix again, a time when he’s ready to take the red pill.

“He first needs to feel like he knows what he’s doing in the world and where he’s going,” says John Gray, relationship counselor and author of the Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus books. “Women are more concerned about who they’re going with.”

“Historically men have been more eager to marry when they’re financially secure, and women have wanted to marry when they wanted children,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and author of Why Him? Why Her? Fisher calls it a “human male need” to provide for his wife, a desire that hearkens back to our hunter-and-gatherer days when the “dual-income family was the rule.” She harvested the fruits and vegetables, and he brought home the meat.

But when the woman was pregnant or nurturing small children, she was vulnerable. It became the man’s job to protect and provide for his family. Today, still, men do not feel ready for marriage until they can fulfill that historic role, albeit with career stability and a certain amount in the bank rather than a bison turning on the spit.

The real change is that now marriage readiness goes both ways. Gray says that he’s observed a shift in marriage because of women’s education and work. Women now receive 60% of college degrees and comprise half the workforce. “When she has a good job, her security needs are met, and she looks for a man to provide emotional support,” says Gray. Women are looking for partners who are romantic, supportive, good communicators and will be helpful on the home front, Gray says.

Researchers and sociology professors Christine B. Whelan at the University of Pittsburgh and Christie F. Boxer at the University of Iowa set out to find out what men and women look for in a spouse and uncovered this very trend. From a list of attractive traits, women ranked a man’s desire for home and children at No. 4. In past decades they had ranked it much lower. In 1977, for example, it was No. 10.

Men’s standards, too, have changed in what they find attractive in a potential wife. Until the 1960s men ranked a woman’s education and intelligence at No. 11 on their lists of attractive qualities. Now men prioritize a woman’s intelligence over her good looks, ranking it at No. 4 as compared to No. 8.

And unlike the urban myth of husband-hunters like Sex and the City’s Charlotte York, more women are delaying or forgoing marriage. According to the current population survey, the median age at first marriage in 2009 was 26 for women and 28 for men, up from 22 and 25 a century ago. Marriage historian Stephanie Coontz, a professor at the Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., says with more options, women are delaying marriage to pursue education and find the man they really love.

“It’s only in the last 20 years that women have said they’d marry just for love,” says Coontz. “It used to be that people were embarrassed to admit they loved their spouse, but now they’re embarrassed to admit the other reasons for marriage.”

Sociologist Whelan believes that both sexes tie the knot due to a combination of love and social pressure, and that pressure comes a bit later for men. The typical ready-to-wed man, she says, has been out of college for a few years, maybe just got a promotion or raise, and has experienced a summer of attending several of his friends’ weddings.

Once friends start walking down the aisle, “it’s as if a light bulb goes off in their heads,” says Whelan. Suddenly men realize they want to settle down, and they start seeing the women they date through an is-she-wife-material lens.

Read the complete article at http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/living/view/1061042/1/.html

I read an article on Dr Goh Keng Swee, one of the founding fathers of modern Singapore, and something that he said strike a chord in me. It was not about his formidable intellect or his outstanding contributions to Singapore, but his single-minded pursuit of his second wife, Dr Phua Swee Liang. His wife shared that she had rejected him several times and had asked him why is he so persistent . His reply was: “Faint of heart never gets you the fair maiden”. Of course he did win over the fair maiden and they were together till his death recently.

I can’t help but admire a man with such persistence, dedication and single-mindedness. The saying that “How you do anything is how you do everything.” rings true. For a man who sets high standards for himself in work and do everything to the best of his ability, you don’t expect anything less of him in his personal life. I can’t help but feel a little ashamed at my own nonchalance and take it for granted attitude sometimes….

That is also the reason why women secretly admire strong-willed and determined men. Because such men are usually successful in school, work/career and life. If you are faint of heart, you will not win the fair maiden (or your career or work or business). I have heard countless feedback from women about local men being too timid, lacking in initiative and decisiveness in relationships. On the other side, to all women: give the men a chance to make the decisions and stop trying to control everything.

 Hence, I would like to encourage all men to have the heart of a lion, be courageous and be persistent in your efforts once you have decided that this is the goal you want.  Good Luck!