For your reading pleasure – adapted from Finding Love by Dr Brown.
Finding love is one of the best things that can happen in our lives. Many of us search and search for love and have trouble finding that special someone- either we don’t meet the right person – or we think we had met the person only to find out that he or she isn’t what we are looking for.
There are a few things we can do to help cupid get you moving in the right direction. First, you need to clarify the things that are important to you in a partner. By doing so, you will draw yourself towards the person and the relationship that you are looking for.
One of the most important tips is to, first decide what you ARE NOT looking for. What are your “deal-breakers”? What is absolutely essential for you to have in a long term relationship? Do you want to get married and have children? Think about critical issues such as finances, religion and lifestyles. These are your core values and you need to be clear on what you can compromise and what you can’t.
Once you have clarified these basic core values – your deal breakers, you need to trust yourself and stay clear of potential partners who fall outside of these categories. Typically, these are also things you can find out in a few dates. Hoping that your partner will change or telling yourself that “this doesn’t really matters,” will only set yourself up for heartache down the road. Follow what you’ve decided and ultimately it will lead your heart in the right direction. KNOWING YOUR DEAL-BREAKERS IS CRUCIAL AND STICKING TO THEM THE KEY.
Be open to trying new things and be realistic about the outcomes. While it is essential to clarify what you do not want in a relationship, it is also important to keep your mind open about the other qualities that the person can offer, even if these are qualities that you have not been attracted to before. Your deal-breakers should be kept to between 5-7 core values that you will not compromise.
Outside of that, be open minded about stepping out of your comfort zone and date people who may not be exactly what you think you are looking for. As long as they are not deal-breakers, keep your mind and heart open!
Another important tip: Make finding love and dating a priority. Just as a photographer never travels without his or her camera, a person looking looking for love should always be prepared to find love. Knowing what you are looking for and what you want in a relationship and what you do not want) is a good starting point. The next is to to make dating a priority, and that means dedicating time and resources to it, this can be in the form of consciously expanding your social circle, joining dating events or taking up a new social hobby.